Earlier this week I pulled an all nighter to finish an essay for my history class. The notes I took were a million kinds of ridiculous.
Why Bitches Choose to Emigrate to English America
1. Because indentured servitude on Virginia Beach is a thousand times better than rainy English freedom.
2. I don’t want to marry that bitch…better go to America.
3. My boyfriend wears a powdered wig…gross.
4. Need a cig fix.
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No but for reals…
Sending women to VA (1622)
- Too many men doesn’t make for a stable family life in the 17th century
- Men back home wore powdered wigs. Virginia men probably don’t get powder on your dress.
- Girls from good families in need of funds - man pays in tobacco that can be sent home.
- When there’s nothing left for you in sunny old England, you might as well go to America.
Maryland Act Concerning Religion (1644)
- Because freedom of religion is like giving the finger to English politics…But only if you’re Christian. God forbid a Jew wash up on shore.
- If you blaspheme, you die. But saying you’re a Christian is the gold stamp of approval. WIN.
- Be whatever denom. you want: your allegiance is to your gov’t
- If you piss off a Christian for his religion, that shit’s on YOU…if you can’t, sucks to be you, biatch.
I should have gone to bed WAY before this.
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